Close up of a couple arguing{1:45 minutes to read} Like George Bush said, “It’s hard work.” Marriage needs both spouses to be partners to achieve a successful relationship. Often, communication is the key ingredient.

I can think of several clients in the past year who came to mediation to get divorced. When I asked them to tell me why they wanted to get divorced, most of them said, “We just can’t communicate.” They had such a hard time speaking to each other that they stopped talking. Slamming doors became their form of communication.

During the mediation session, I asked, “Have you tried marriage counseling? You’re not telling me you hate the other person and never want to see them again. You’re telling me you have difficulty communicating. Maybe you’d like to think about putting some effort into trying to save your marriage by working on your communication in counseling?

Most couples are surprised by me saying this. They say, “Aren’t we here to get divorced?” I say, “Yes, you could do that as long as you tell me that marriage counseling is out of the question.”

My philosophy of life is that the grass is brown on both sides of the fence. If you can’t communicate with this spouse, what makes you think that you’re going to develop communication skills with the next spouse or significant other?

Is divorce the only option? If the problems come from a lack of communication, but everything else seems to be working, maybe divorce isn’t the answer for you.

Divorce mediation is not only for people who want to get separated or divorced. It’s also for couples that are not sure. I see many clients who come to mediation to discuss separation/divorce but then realize that is not what they want to do.

George Bush said, “Being President is hard work.” I think we all can agree, so is staying married.

About Don Sinkov

Don Sinkov Your Divorce Mediator Westchester County, NY Putnam County, NY Phone: (914) 588-6258 eMail: