If I Ignore You, Will You Change Your Mind about Getting Divorced By Don Sinkov{2:48 minutes to read} One spouse is often the initiator when getting divorced or separated. The other’s attitude is, “Let’s just keep things the way they are. I know we’re totally miserable, the kids are in therapy, and life is horrible, but you know what? I’ve done it this way for so many years, why change it now?

It sounds preposterous, but I have heard this more times than I can count. People resist change. I get that. They would rather have the devil they know, than the devil they don’t know. Many couples tend to stay in their current relationships.

And it gets worse:

  • They live in the same house, but they don’t speak to each other.
  • They haven’t been intimate in the last several years.
  • They each shop for themselves and have their meals separately.

Believe it or not, there are often children in the household witnessing this disaster. Remember, your children model your behavior. What do you think they are learning from this?

Often, when I ask the couple about how the children are handling this acrimony, they say: “Well, they’ve been in therapy for the last year and a half. Not so good, I guess.

When the spouse who is initiating the divorce brings up the subject to the other spouse, it often makes the other completely shut down and run the other way.

As mediators, we look at the situation as an “outsider” and explain that they really need to make a decision. Either they are going to go to counseling and try to make it work, or they should consider separation, at least, so that the kids stand a chance of having a normal life. But sadly, one parent just concentrates on his/her own wants and needs.

They say:

  • “I don’t want to get divorced.”
  • “I’m going to ignore everything.”
  • “I don’t care how it affects the family as a whole.”

So, back to the title, “If I ignore you, will you change your mind about getting divorced?” The answer: “No, I won’t change my mind; stop ignoring me and wake up, or you will get the divorce papers in the mail!”

Now that I have your attention, let’s try divorce mediation.

Don Sinkov

Don Sinkov
Your Divorce Mediator
Westchester County, NY
Putnam County, NY
Phone: (914) 588-6258
eMail: Info@YourDivorceMediator.com