I recently spoke with a matrimonial lawyer. She is 35 and has been going out with the same guy for what she describes as “forever.” While we were having coffee, she said, “Yeah, and I guess we should get married and have kids.”
I was really taken aback by that remark because the decision to get married is often not an easy one. But then to make the leap to “because I’m 35 years old I should have kids?” Has this really been thought through thoroughly?
Usually, before you get married, you discuss with your spouse your feelings about having children, such as:
- Yes, I really want to have children.
- I have a burning desire to continue my blood line and give birth to these little cherubs.
- I don’t have a burning desire to have children.
- Nah, not really. I’d rather pursue my career.
Whatever that decision, your partner should be in sync with it. If they aren’t, then you’ve got a problem.
Before you get married and have kids, you really have to think about why you are getting married:
- Is it family pressure?
- Is it society saying you should get married?
- Is it because you are the last in your “group” who is still not married?
- Everybody else is having kids. Are you feeling left out?
Let’s state the obvious. These aren’t good reasons to have children and/or get married.
The decision to get married is one thing. If things don’t go well, you could get divorced. (Call me. I’ll help you do it.) But children are forever. Once you make that decision, you can’t put them back.
Before you decide to get married and have children, sit down with your boyfriend/girlfriend/soon-to-be betrothed and have a serious discussion. Be honest about your feelings, and hopefully, you will not need somebody like me to undo your marriage.
The Magic 8 Ball will not give you the correct answer. It’s good for picking lotto numbers but not for making serious, life-changing decisions.