The Lighter Side of Divorce
Getting divorced is not a laughing matter. It is a highly emotional time involving many heavy decisions that will affect a couple’s life as they move forward with their separate lives. Every once in a while, however, something happens that gives you pause and despite the seriousness of the situation makes you chuckle. They say laughter is the best medicine, so in that vein, I would like to occasionally share a lighter moment like the one below.
The couple arrived at the mediation session with the husband carrying a suitcase of documents. They had already decided how they wanted everything settled, so this was going to be the “easiest case ever.” Continue reading
Home Sweet Home Part II
Because of the current economic environment, over the past few years I have started to see a lot of couples who want to stay together in the home after they are separated or divorced because they can’t afford to live separately. Unfortunately, my experience with this arrangement has shown that it is very difficult and only works sometimes.
If you and your soon to be ex-spouse do decide to live together after your separation/divorce, there are a number of decisions that must be made.
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Home Sweet Home?
Part I
Traditionally, the marital home and the retirement savings are the largest assets that most couples have, but the way we write divorce/separation agreements has changed over the years because of the declining values in the real estate market. Now, in divorce agreements, we not only address how the net equity (profit) will be divided at sale, but we also must address how, if there is a short sale or the house sells for less than the mortgage balance(s):
- Will there be sharing of the remaining mortgage balance after sale?
- Will the couple have to come up with more money if the house is sold but for less than the amount owed on the house?
These are some of the questions that need to be discussed during divorce mediation sessions. With my help, we will outline various options which are available to the couple.
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Consider the Children
I was very impressed by an article I read from the Scottish government regarding children and divorce. In 2007, the Scottish government issued a report based on their intention to implement the United Nations Convention on the Rights of Children or “UNCRC”. Article 12 of the UNCRC confers the right to express views on matters affecting children and for those views to be given due consideration. It further says:
“that parties shall assure to the child who is capable of forming his or her own views, the rights to express those views freely in all matters affecting them and that the views of the child are given due weight in accordance with the age and maturity of the child.”
In particular the child is provided with the opportunity to be heard in any judicial or administrative proceeding affecting the child.
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Got Conflict?
In New York, as avant-garde as we think we are regarding many social issues and being the economic hub of the United States, when it comes to divorce, New York is just breaking out of the Stone Age. This past year we added a seventh ground for divorce which is the New York No Fault Statute allowing a couple to file for divorce without alleging fault and accusing the other spouse of one of the previous six grounds for divorce which are:
- Abandonment
- Constructive Abandonment
- Inhumane Treatment
- Infidelity
- Imprisonment for three years or more
- Judicial decree (rarely used)
What is it? Is it a Pension Plan? Is it a Retirement Plan?
Many people refer to retirement plans as pensions, but not all retirement plans are pensions, and in fact, most retirement plans are not pensions. A true pension is typically called a Defined Benefit Pension, and can have several components.
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Take Care of Yourself
Couples going through divorce experience a lot of stress and as a result often neglect themselves and their health. This neglect is not necessarily new and in fact, may have been going on for a long period of time.
Stress increases the body’s cortisol levels. In response to occasional stress, it is a good thing because it gives you a quick burst of energy, to survive in a crises for example, a heightened memory function, and lower sensitivity to pain. When your are subjected to prolonged stress, however,the effect of the cortisol is that it impairs memory function, causes blood sugar imbalances, causes a decrease in muscle tissue, lowers immunity and, last but not least, causes fat retention. (Good News!! It’s not just the bowl of M&M’s on the counter, although they really don’t help.) The more chronic stress you are under, the more of the hormone is produced and the more fat is retained. So here we are, all stressed out and gaining weight, which makes us more stressed out.
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